I smacked a kid.

It was the worst thing I've ever done. I wish I could take it back.

Who the fuck am I kidding? It felt bloody good!

I wish I could do it again. Goddamn brat.

Alright, backstory. So there was this Maggot of a kid, a friend of the missus' younger brother who's like 8 inches tall who has been getting on my nerves for the past week. They'd come over once in awhile in a pack (YES, DON'T CORRECT ME, PACK) and while I can take the missus' brother's antics well enough cos he's a funny kid, this Maggot thinks he can rile me up just cos he's distantly related to me.

We don't even know each other's name. Fucking maggot.

Case 1: The missus and I were in the Bazmobile, in the basement in front of the lift, saying goodbye. The Pack comes along, an entity of waving arms and noise and Jason (that's the missus' brother) comes over and pretends to kick out my headlight. That's alright, cos he's a funny kid.

Then Maggot comes over to the missus' side and starts slapping on the goddamn window with his fucking dirty palms, lord knows which asshole those palms have been hiding in, all the while screaming warbled garbles whatever the fuck kids his age usually scream when they're on a high from inserting their hands into other kids' assholes.

Fucking maggot, I just had that car washed and waxed.

I had on a constipated expression, a result of trying to force a smile at Jason and trying to express my hatred and disgust at the turd of a maggot.



Case 2: The missus and I were at her place alone, when suddenly The Pack rings the doorbell. While the missus got dressed, I tried to buy time by opening the door a crack and grinning at them while they hollered to open the door.

Fucking maggot says to his Pack, "Damn gay lah that guy."

I threw open the door and gave him my most withering stare, but before I could use his guts for garters, Jason had to spoil it by saying, "Woah, gangster stare" to break the tension.



Bah, let him go on account of him being the missus' brother's friend.

Case 3: The missus and I were at her place again, fully clothed this time, awaiting the start of the Germany vs Argentina World Cup match on the boobtube. The dreaded doorbell and demonic titter issued from behind the door. The Pack burst in, all rowdy and with dirty feet to boot (the missus hates dirty kids' feet on her nice clean floor) and settled themselves comfortably around the tv, with the Maggot sitting on the couch with me by some quirk of fate. Or maybe the lord was trying to test my resolve and my utter willingness to smack kids.

Jason was sitting in front of me, and he turned and asked me, "Germany or Argentina?"

"What do you mean, Germany or Argentina? Who's better, or who I think will win?"

All at once, that Turd of a Maggot starts yappering, "GERMANY OR ARGENTINA?? GERMANY OR ARGENTINA??" in my left ear while repeatedly lifting his chin up at me, a damn provocative gesture in these parts that is also used to challenge someone to a fight. Like, what the fuck.

I turned to him, gave him my most withering stare (see above), and said, "Could you speak a little nicer to me?"

"I'm just asking you, Germany or Argentina!" he whinged.

"Well I wasn't talking to you, was I?" and turned back to Jason.

The maggot muttered aloud, "Damn gay lah you."

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

My left arm pistoned out on its own accord and struck the maggot in the face. To hell with it if the missus' mom and bro were there.

The turd instantly whipped up his hands in surrender and said "Sorrysorrysorry!!!"

AHHH THAT FELT SO FUCKING GOOD.

Absolute. Silence.

I had silenced The Pack by showing them that being kids does not wield them any protection whatsoever from a truly brat-hating monster like me. Even the kid-loving missus didn't entirely disapprove!

Sure, someone else would say "But they're only kids!", and to that person, I say fuck you.

PS. Pardon the anime pictures, I'm on a GTO binge.

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I've quit my job!

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Some of you might also have noticed that this is the first time I've blogged in over three months.

Good observational skills, I say.