The best job in the world is, I'm afraid, not the best job in the world any more.

I've been stuck digging graves in the midnight shift. My typical day goes like this. I go to work at 12. MIDNIGHT. I handle shit from irate Ameerkin customers who had too much JD to drink until 8am, whereupon I have breakfast at the mamak downstairs. After this, I proceed to settle my exorbitant parking fees which cost me 7 bucks a day and which is also the main reason why I only have 2 bucks in my wallet right now. Then I drive to the missus' at 9, smiling phonily at the guard who likes to lean against my car and ask "Mana amoi?" every single time, to show him that I think that's the funniest shit I've ever heard since the time when Badawi said he feels our pain in having to fork out more for fuel while he goes home in his gas-guzzler that runs on fuel paid for by us. I might fall asleep, depending on my exhaustion level, and then the missus will wake me up at 10.20 to fetch her to work.

I drive her mom's car because the price of fuel is fucking me in the ass, and then I return to her place only to fall asleep again until 3.15 pm. That's about 4.5 hours of sleep. I fetch the missus from work, and after she's had her shower and us our lunch, we go back to my pad (or my dining room; or the Bazmobile) for a sparring round or two. We fall back asleep for a couple of hours, or not. This again depends on our exhaustion levels, and the missus' high-ness level. For example, today while I was attempting in vain to drift to the Land of Nod, the missus was yapping on about how nervous she was about the impending SPM results and using my hand to thump her chest, all the while interjecting manic laughter with onomatopoeic "dub-dub-dub-dub" noises to illustrate her anxiety.

And then she started laughing and crying.

I could have been lying next to Linda Blair for all I knew.

Moving on, we have a late dinner and I fetch her back to her place, at about 10. Sometimes, although her whole family's already home by the time, I have a short hour-long nap in her brother's room. The missus might join me, but we leave the door open and lie 45 ft apart to show her mom that no hanky-panky is taking place.

And then I drive to work again, after a total of 6.5 hours of sleep, if I'm lucky.

And here I am, presently at the office, at 1.28 am.

Fucklah will someone please remind me why I took this job.